I've loved reading for as long as I can remember. This photo was taken on holiday when I was around 12 years old, only a few years before I began making decisions that would have long-lasting consequences, which I've spent years trying to heal from.I still love reading, but my book choices have changed a …
Continue reading News on my debut novel – Running from Myself
Today, April 15th, is my birthday! This April is also twelve years since I became a Christian. Twelve years since Jesus became real to me and since then a lot of things have happened. I wanted to reflect on twelve things I have experienced over that duration that have made my life better.
Let There Be Light is a 30-minute documentary on Youtube where Matt & Beth Redman share their experiences at Soul Survivor under the leadership of Mike Pilavachi. ‘Let There Be Light’ explores the pattern of abuse experienced over a period of four decades under the leadership of Mike Pilavachi in the UK church. A Church …
At the start of the year, I wanted to make my prayer & bible reading time more intentional, which meant setting a morning alarm & actually getting up with it. So far, I'm still going. Since having Azariah, I've been exhausted, so getting up early wasn't routine. We haven't been able to attend church in …
I mentioned having a hospital stay coming up with Azariah to someone the other day, and they said "oh you will have loads of time to write your book then" and my response was "probably not". Staying in the hospital with a child who is having surgery isn't the same as maybe having a hospital …
February is heart month! Of course, it is Valentines Day during the month, so why not also raise awareness for all things heart, including heart health. People will be doing many things to raise awareness, and some will be wearing red or heart things all month, but if a month feels too much, how about …
A part of this journey with Azariah, which I've found incredibly difficult, is the isolation. Being a sociable person, I love, or rather loved, spending time with people whenever I could! Now, every social and work engagement has to be assessed - where is it? Who will be there? Are we able to cancel if …
"You've changed"Yes, I hope I haveI'm glad you've noticedI can't stay the sameToo much has changed in my life "You've changed"Yes, I haveI've grown and learntI've laughed and I've criedToo much has happened in my life "You've changed"Yes and I'm glad!I'm not the sameHow can I be?With all I've been through in my life "You've …
As the year comes to an end, it's cool to see people share what they've achieved, but it can also be disheartening if you even begin to compare your achievements. We all know comparison is the thief of joy! I look back at 2023 and realise it's a miracle that I'm still here. That's the …
Most families these days have WhatsApp groups where they share photos and event planning, amongst other things. Personally, I am in five WhatsApp groups, church and family. About four years ago, I left a group called "family." I had my reasons at the time, but mainly because some family members ONLY communicate with family in …
Yesterday, I forced myself to go out. It was pay day & I decided to start by taking my little Champ for breakfast ❤️ Going out isn't something I find easy at the moment, especially on my own. So it was a simple activity for some, but it took great effort for me. There are …
I have been through some pretty crappy things in life and have experienced some pain, but today it settled in me that I just wouldn't be who I was without those things. I wouldn't have the people in my life that I do without those things. I wouldn't be where I am without those things. …
If you follow me on my social media platforms you may have seen a recent post where I spoke about how hard things were at the moment, mentally and emotionally. Most days, I wake up, and by the time I've got to the end of my bed, boom, I feel like I've hit a brick …
Continue reading The Enemy May Take Some Things, But He Can’t Take My Worship!
I wrote a thing! It's not my usual, but the words started filling my mind the other day and have continued to drip through. So here it is ❤️ raw, honest & vulnerable Where Are You, God?I find myself asking this question on our journeySurely it shouldn't have happened to us That our son is …
I often think of the vows I made on my wedding day, not just on our wedding anniversary but I like remind myself especially on special occasions.Celebrating Marvs 40th birthday this week was one of those times. I made a vow to be his wife for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness …
I am not much of a gardener and neither is my husband. This means the bare minimum gets done in the front and back garden until we get to the point of needing to pay someone to tackle it! With all that we have going on it really is the least of our worries. But …
Continue reading Are there areas of your life that you have left untended?
If you've been following me for a while, you will know how tough these last few years have been - miscarriage - and then finding out baby has a congenital heart defect, open heart surgery, etc. Recently, I've found myself looking at Marvin, my husband, and just realising how much we've been through, but also …
Continue reading Marriage: I didn’t think we would survive the first 6 months!
Anxiety is absolutely kicking my butt at the moment! I think I feel worse this year, than last year as I process the trauma of Azariahs birth & open heart surgery, along with the realisation that the second surgery is just round the corner. When I was younger, I used to look at people who …
Continue reading God must only give those battles to really strong people!
These last few weeks have felt hard, I don't shy away from sharing that, I think knowing the surgery is coming & a few other life situations have just hit us hard. It's hard but it's also lonely. We were created for community & when you are alone, isolated, you become vulnerable. This last week …
Azariah has always been sensitive to hearing emergency vehicle sirens, but recently, he's added motorbikes & loud cars to this list. He really doesn't like them, asks for a cuddle & will keep telling us about the noise or the bike for the rest of the day. He heard one of these noises the other …
We've been waiting to hear back from the hospital for two months, since our son had a CT scan. Yesterday we received the letter. The letter to tell us that our little one is now on the Cardiac Surgical Waiting List. We have an appointment with the Pre Assessment Clinic next week, where they will …
Yesterday, my little boy, Azariah, brought the Amazon Alexa device to me. He always wants her to play 'Old McDonald had a farm'. But he had unplugged the device to bring it to me and proceeded to get frustrated and upset when she was not responding. A thought came to me. Sometimes, we can be …
Today I had to hold my son very tightly while he had a little mask put on his face to put him to sleep under general anaesthetic. He needed to have a CT scan. This is to help the cardiologists prepare and plan for the next open heart surgery. The photo was taken in the …
I decided to put the Christmas decorations away today. The Christmas chocolates are almost all gone, and I needed to clear everything away to really get into gear for the new year. As I was carefully winding the lights around the piece of cardboard, I heard the postman dropping a few letters through the letterbox. …
As we come to the end of another year, you may be thinking of ways you can improve your life. It might be in one area or an overall holistic approach. The bible is our guide to becoming who God created us to be and living an abundant life. Here are a few ideas to …
Continue reading 7 things we can do to improve our lives. Starting the new year the right way!
I wanted to say thank you to those who have supported us with the journey with Azariah & those who have covered us in prayer. Support has come from unexpected places, believe me! And sadly, it hasn't come from some expected places. I can't tell you how overwhelming and scary it is and has been. …
Being married is honestly one of the best experiences ever! I see people bashing marriage or devaluing it but having had relationships before, they don't compare. The stability & security I've found in marriage is something not experienced before. It's more than "just a piece of paper". All men or all women are the same. …
I didn't know it was World Mental Health Day until this morning. This last week my Mental health has struggled, it's felt like a hard week. On Tuesday I started an online group 5 wk course for PTSD. On Friday it was 2 years since we lost Baby J to a miscarriage. The nanny has …
Earlier this year, it was 10 years since I became a Christian. In a few months it will be 11 years since I first went to church as an adult. Notice how the two things didn't happen at the same time, simply going to church doesn't make you a Christian but that's a story for …
The final part of my birthday reflections blog series - My 30's. These have been different. I have spent the last 10 years becoming the person God created me to be. Living with hope, love and forgiveness. The forgiveness that I craved & needed, and for which I am truly grateful for. It is a life you can have too.
It's my birthday and I'm grateful! But today is Good Friday, so it's about so much more than just my birthday.
My 20's were probably my hardest season. I went through so much pain, much of which came from my own decisions. But it was also the season that led me into the new, into the light, into hope, into love.
As my birthday week progresses, I am reflecting on my teenage life. How hard it was being a teenage mum, and why I threw myself so hard into partying.
It's my birthday week, a time of reflection. Looking back over the last 40 plus years, I thought I would share a little bit of what those years looked like for me. Those years provided the foundation for much of what I have experienced, both good and bad. Here I share a little about the first 10 years.
We've lived with this dreaded thing hanging over our lives for so long now and for so many of us, life is beginning to resume some normality. And for us it is in some ways but in others, our life isn't nomral anyway. My son, Azariah, is still a vulnerable baby while he waits for …
Continue reading Catching the dreaded “C” means I’ve had to isolate away from my baby
Are you planning a holiday for your family? We have been thinking about it but after advice from our Cardiac Liason Nurse, we realise taking an overseas holiday at this time just isn't that simple. Living with a Congenital Heart Defect really does mean there is a lot more to consider & some things may have to be sacrificed for now.
February is Heart Month, a time to raise awareness of all things heart. Our journey started the day we became CHD parent's, which was the day we got his diagnosis. My faith had been rocked after having a miscarriage and now it was being tested again.
We decided to try again pretty soon after we lost Baby J at 11 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy after a loss can be very difficult and we just couldn't relax or let go. We decided to wait until our 20 wk scan before we got our hopes up at being able to keep this baby. Our 20 week scan provided us with information that would tip our world upside down in ways we couldn't even imagine.
I had thought if I really wanted to get married that I was going to have to be with someone who just didn’t get me, and really put aside the things I was hoping & praying for in a guy. I'm not talking about simple compromise, or trying to tick those 'boxes' , but genuinely not finding someone who I was passionately and madly in love with, that I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with.
Last week, Marvin and I stood outside the local crematorium waiting for the service to start. Due to COVID, only the two of us could attend. How do you journey through grief when people are self isolating & socially distancing, cut off from your usual network of support?
Have you ever thought about how a pebble is formed? What it goes through to get it's shape? Or where it has been? I found the process of this similar to how God shapes us. Can you relate to any of thes different types of pebbles mentioned or uses of pebbles?
It’s been a month since we lost our baby and I have realised a few things about grief and the effect it has had on us. If you have dealt with grief, pain or trauma then you may be able to relate. I don't claim to be an expert or even be able to articulate …
Continue reading Grief. Can’t go over it, under it or around it. Have to go through it.
Thursday was our ONE YEAR wedding anniversary and what a year its been, thrown together in this pandemic in a way we didn't expect but we have survived. This week we thought we would be sharing pregnancy news with you because our scan was due this week but unfortunately 2 wks ago, at 11 wks pregnant, we suffered a miscarriage.
As a runner, I find the uphill parts challenging! Can you relate? This can be a metaphor for life, those uphill struggles can be difficult! So how do we face them?
I am forever grateful for the blessings in my life and the way I can see God moving. But this does not mean that I don’t still have challenges, I do. Before I knew Jesus, I made a complete mess of my life through decisions I made or did not make, through the way I viewed myself, through the value I placed on myself or rather the lack of value. So as I walk into this New Year, I am grateful but more aware of my need for Jesus.
Some think I'm radical in my faith, but how can you not be passionate about the person that saved your life? How can you not give your all to the person who sacrificed their own life for yours? I will never be lukewarm, I will never be chilled out or laid back about Jesus & what he's done for me! Because I decided to follow him & I'm not turning back.
I have been told that we are meant to enjoy this time but to be honest with you, its not been that enjoyable. I don’t think one person has started a conversation by asking us how we are coping with engagement or preparing to be married but the question has been “How are wedding plans going?”
What do you think about things like Gucci's blackface jumper or Prada's keyring? Is the outrage justified? I believe there is a racial narrative that we have been fed since we were at school that we need to unlearn and re-educate ourselves about.
I'm a Christian. I'm not perfect. I'm a human being.
I'm a Christian because I've recognised my weakness, my failures, my flaws & the mess I've made of my life.
It's a Faith Thing! 